SO THIS Is How to Make Christmas a Good Holiday for YOURSELF as a Single Person!
It's a strange time for you and you register the pressure weeks beforehand. People are looking for presents, Christmas trees are being bought, the supermarkets are chock full, there is a hustle and bustle, the whole neighborhood is eagerly awaiting Christmas. And you're alone – maybe you've been single for many years, or perhaps you’ve only felt trepidation before the holidays for a short time.
Christmas caroling is canceled because of Corona, retail is closed early and pedestrian zones are largely empty. And yet the anxiety remains. How am you supposed to get through these days, as a single person? In this article we give you a few tips on how to succeed.
First, let's answer the question: why is it hard for us to be alone at Christmas?
No other cultural or legal holidays put as much pressure on us as Christmas. No other event is so associated with anticipation, expectations and hopes as this one. The reason lies in our childhood and the expectation we have grown to associate with it.
More or less everybody in largely Christian nations recognizes the familiar preparation for Christmas, whether at home or in the schools and office places, everywhere Christmas mood prevails, one feels the pull to togetherness stronger than usual. You might look forward to a Christmas dinner with colleagues, a bit of Christmas spirit despite the stress.
But baking cookies, decorating the Christmas tree, preparing dinner with the family and just being excited about what gifts you might receive – these are additional childhood memories that shape us. We transport these memories throughout our lives because they were intense and hopefully pleasant, and they are intensely linked to other people.
At this time of year, one yearns to be in an inner circle, a beloved confidant. One wants to be more giving and receive, too. This means that Christmas is a time when we want to be maximally connected with others.
But what if the childlike expectation is not met?
What do you do when you’re alone for the holidays? The Christmas blues is a very particular type of loneliness. The standard feast can become a depressive trap for some people. Those who have recently lost their partner due to illness, disputes or a sudden death are going through a dark period.
Holidays that involve intense togetherness are particularly painful here. Even if you’re a single by your own choosing, this time of year is still a severe test. Especially on Christmas Eve, loneliness is felt most strongly. When the stores close in the afternoon and the streets gradually become quiet, the inner countdown begins.
With a partner, you’d be preparing dinner or heading out to visit family members. Being single can then become an emotional torment. But it doesn't have to be. In the following segments, you’ll get some tips on how you can not only get through these days, but also come out of them stronger.
Just sitting out the days and somehow getting it over with probably only increases self-pity and leaves you morose about the coming Christmas. Verses from a poem by Rilke describe this inner state well: He who has no house now, will not build one. If you're alone now, you might stay that way for quite some time; it's not a shame or even a failure not to have a partner.
If you're single, you're actually not alone. Behind the lighted windows of the houses there are not only happy couples, but also surprising many people who’re alone – not to mention, not every relationship is the traditional, harmonious Christmas picture.
1. Make a plan!
If possible, plan in advance exactly what and when you want to do during the coming holidays. No matter whether you visit family and friends or spend these days alone, it’s important that you take part only in those events that don’t negatively affect you. If being with other you’ve been meaning to do or haven't done in a while.
2. Be caring towards yourself.
In everyday life, it’s typically enough just to function. By contrast, Christmas days can be an opportunity for you to pay special attention to yourself. To care for your body extensively, to decorate your home – in short, to pay attention to yourself and your immediate surroundings.
Particularly in times of loneliness you should spoil yourself a little. Be the partner you want for yourself; Christmas time is also a time for healthy self-love, which is also the prerequisite for a good partnership.
3. A contemplative time requires sensory involvement
Coming to one's senses, looking over one's life and reflecting on successful opportunities and failures is a necessity. However, such thoughts can quickly lead to a certain melancholy on emotionally charged Christmas days. When we feel lonely, we tend to brood rather than think positively.
What combats brooding are sensory impressions. A nice smell, your favorite music, a good movie and a delicious meal, whether home-cooked or not – take this chance to surround yourself with strong sensory impressions. Make yourself comfortable in your home, or go for a walk. Listen, smell and feel carefully.
A law of our thinking is: You cannot think two thoughts at the same time. If you consciously indulge in positive impressions, you’ll think less about a missing partner. This process essentially means grounding yourself.
4. Appreciate what you already have!
Perhaps you tend to focus on what you lack instead of what you have: You might possess more than you appreciate, already. List mentally or in writing everything you are proud of, what is important to you and what makes you you. Christmastime is also a good chance to get in touch, talk to friends or family members.
Consider asking them what they find positive and lovable about you, and in turn show them your appreciation of them. You may be able to laugh at each other's little quirks and idiosyncrasies. Only those who accept themselves completely can also accept others. If you think about it, every day is Christmas.
This sounds like the plot of a Disney movie, doesn't it, but these are in fact simple principles of positive self-perception and the perception of others. There’s no harmony without a little discord or differences with others and, yes, loneliness remains a part of life. You can choose whether to make it difficult for yourself or to make it a little easier.
The tips described can be regarded as small gifts that you can give yourself and others throughout the year. Give yourself these gifts as often as you can and you will be a gift to everyone else! That's it for today.