Why Being Nice Can Actually Ruin YOU (10 Red Flags)!
Theoretically, there could never be enough friendly and helpful people in the world. The problem is that being nice quickly becomes a boomerang and not infrequently a downfall. Those who do not protect their borders well soon have the reputation of being the patient beast of burden for everyone else. Suddenly, everyone unloads their unpleasant to-dos on you or automatically assumes that you will fix everything for them.
Unfortunately, the boundaries between nice and naive are just as fluid as those between nice and burnt out. It's not uncommon for this kindness to end in burnout or at least in excessive stress. In this article we present 10 clear signs that you might be overdoing it with being nice.
1. You don't have time for yourself
If you are constantly busy trying to please everyone, you will soon find yourself always the bridesmaid. Until every need of others is satisfied, every request fulfilled and every job done, a day can fly by. At some point you realize that your life is not really yours anymore. It has been annexed by your partner, your children, your parents or the clever people at your workplace who have recognized and seized their opportunity.
2. At work you feel chronically overwhelmed
In the workplace, exploitation by superiors or colleagues begins quite secretly, quietly. In theory, of course, there is a list of your tasks that clearly delineates your competence and area of responsibility. But then come the favors and requests from colleagues and the bosses and suddenly you have the reputation of being the technical support service for everyone.
In addition to your actual work, you're busy copying, making and serving coffee, fetching and delivering the mail, or getting one or two things done in your private car in your free time. No problem at all, right? Yes, it is. Unfortunately, there are several of issues that we have to deal with here. When exactly is the red line crossed at the workplace? That's hard to say, because after all, when in doubt, the boss is always right and, above all, on their own side.
3. Your relationships are the purest self-service shop
Nice people unfortunately attract people into their lives who want to make themselves as comfortable as possible at their expense. What ends in burnout professionally, finds its downfall in co-dependent relationships privately. The desire of the one partner to prepare heaven on earth is celebrated to the point of self-sacrifice.
The other side, on the other hand, sees unlimited possibilities ahead of them and exploits their nice, better half not only emotionally and psychologically, but also financially and in every other conceivable way.
4. Confrontations of any kind are anathema to you
Nice people are harmony-seeking to the hilt. They prefer to swallow every insult and every injustice before they start an argument or at least a solid discussion. This means, by extension, that they are completely lost among the masses. Their silence is, how could it be otherwise, interpreted as approval. Everything then remains as it is.
5. You want to be liked by everyone
Many people would give a lot to be the darling of the nation. This need is so pronounced and strong that they unfortunately put up with quite a bit for it. They make it their business to read the wishes of those around them from their eyes and to be of service to them at all times. Ironically, it is precisely this pandering that then makes them all the more unpopular and puts the stamp of the tragic and pathetic on them.
6. "Yes" is your standard answer.
You don't know anything other than approval if you are a thoroughly nice person. Yes, it even goes so far that no other answer even occurs to you. Well-behaved yes-men are popular employees who may be harnessed to the cart for any purpose. As human beings, you don’t even perceive your own needs or personality anymore.
7. You prefer to keep your opinion to yourself
Those who don't want to cause a stir, attract attention and please everyone will eventually die off almost completely. Such people completely give up their right to freedom of expression over time. This leads to the fact that their social environment does not even get the idea that they deserve to be heard.
8. It annoys you when you let yourself get carried away.
A sure sign that you are clearly being too nice is when you get annoyed with yourself for being accommodating. All of your senses then tell you that you were wrong to let yourself be harnessed again for something you don't really want, and which is guaranteed not to bring you joy or move you forward. You know deep down that your desire for acceptance and your addiction to harmony have once again thwarted you. But now you can no longer row back so easily.
9. Your needs remain unsatisfied
If you don't communicate your wishes and desires, don't be surprised if you always get the short end of the stick. Of course, if you're the nice one or the teddy bear, your needs always come up short. If you demand nothing, you get nothing. Compromises don't hurt anyone, and thanks to them, no one is left out entirely. But to achieve this goal, you have to stand up for yourself at least once in a while.
10. You apologize all the time
This point concerns mostly women. In the course of a day, we constantly apologize for incidents, omissions or circumstances for which we can do absolutely nothing. We have lost count of how many sentences we start with "I'm sorry, but".
The nasty part is not the apology itself. The real problem is that we give our environment the impression that we actually screw up a lot every day, for which we have to apologize. Now everybody thinks we are incompetent and incapable. Needless to say, you create a downward spiral here that can't be stopped.
Today’s Conclusion: Being nice is not the whole story
You're operating in a constant gray area when you're being nice. On the one hand, you silently agree with everything that's going on around you. On the other hand, you feel taken advantage of, disadvantaged, resentful of your choices, and you just don't get your way.
Being nice is a pitfall. It doesn't get you ahead or back, it just causes you to stumble and keeps you stuck in place. Once you land in the "too nice" drawer, those around you take a lot of liberties with you. Nice comes with small print in your hand luggage. It says "Please feel free to unload everything onto my shoulders and my desk that no one else wants to do".
If you want to banish this subtext from your life, the evil twin of nice has to go. This is called healthy selfishness and it will help you protect your boundaries from hostile takeovers in the future. That's it for today.