The 7 Terrible Reasons Narcissists Use Silence as a Weapon
Talk is silver, silence is poison. Narcissists can resort to a wide range of mind games and nasty tricks to paralyze their victims and make them compliant. Their charm and winning nature are the tickets to the heart and, unfortunately, the lives of many unsuspecting fellow human beings. They are masters of the entire range of emotional blackmail from carrot to stick, it's all there.
They act according to the reward system, but of course do not spare punishment, because it must be enacted, if one does not behave as expected. One of their favorite instruments of torture is silence. In this article we would like to share with you why this tactic is so efficient and plays into their diabolical hands so perfectly.
There are actually seven good or actually bad reasons why complete news blackout is such an effective tool in the fight for supremacy within a relationship.
1. Sudden radio silence drives us crazy.
Narcissists love to play with the mental health of their victims. They sometimes don't even need a valid reason to do so. Straining our nerves can occasionally be a mere pastime for them. Silence is particularly convenient for this form of psychological torture. It leaves endless room for speculation.
No matter what we make up on the other end of the dead line, our narcissist can deny any of it because none of it really took place, except in our imagination of course. Not knowing where you stand with someone you love and trust can actually paralyze our minds like a fatal poison.
Especially at the beginning of a relationship, radio silence in this stage of total communication on all levels drives us almost insane. When someone goes silent suddenly, we think of an accident, an illness, or some other serious incident: the loss of our smartphone or our phone number. All, really all stupid excuses we invent for why she or he just doesn't get in touch.
The most obvious one, that they don't feel like it, of course, doesn't occur to us at all. Such behavior is not only rude, it shows serious sadistic traits in a person. We are left to starve and die emotionally of this kind of treatment, and we don't deserve either.
2. Those who refuse to talk are in control.
Being given the floor has haunted us since our school days. With magnanimous gestures, we are given permission to speak. Later in life, in a formal setting, there will always be a moderator or discussion leader who will give the floor, thus ensuring silence in the audience and a civilized process.
Privately, on the other hand, we should be allowed to speak when and how we feel like it. Anyone who punishes us with the mute button wants to demonstrate his or her superiority and power. She or he then has it in his or her hands when we are heard and when we are not. Like puppies or naughty children, we are thus relegated to our places, where we can wait patiently to be brought out of hiding again.
3. They want to make you dependent.
Silence is a perfidious instrument to put us on a short leash psychologically. We instinctively recognize the tactics behind this alternating communication. If we behave as expected and are "good", we are rewarded with attention. If, on the other hand, we deviate or are naughty in the eyes of the narcissist, icy silence follows on its heels.
Within a relationship, the cold shoulder is like a battering ram that comes into play whenever we want to deviate from the set course. At some point, our subconscious stores this mechanism and bows to the dictates.
4. Silence says: you are not worthy of a response.
Narcissists also often remain silent because they don't find us worthy of a response. We disturb their circles, are not on their level, and in their opinion should not even be allowed to breathe the same air as they do.
People who think and act like this clearly correspond to the personality traits of typical narcissists who bask in their superiority and consider themselves too good for this world. Degrading their fellow human beings by running them into an invisible wall and letting silence speak for itself is one of their simplest exercises.
5. Punishment.
Silence is an excellent form of punishment because we have exhibited unacceptable behavior or denied desired behavior. To get what they want, no trick in the world is too sleazy for narcissists. Anyone who does not want to tolerantly go along with their program, has an opinion of their own that differs from theirs, or criticizes them, is punished with total radio silence that can last for days.
Also very popular: passive-aggressive behavior when their partner is physically present. The narcissistic person is with us, but expresses himself only very monosyllabically. Such behavior is not only destructive for any relationship, it is also quite fantastic for driving the better half crazy. The narcissists would then have achieved their real goal once again.
6. Your will shall be broken.
Anyone who has ever been badly in love and punished with the cold shoulder knows how desperate this tactic makes us become at some point. We might throw the phone against the wall, publicly castigate ourselves for everything we supposedly did wrong, and would do anything and more to get a sign of life from our beloved.
We beg and plead to the point of self-destruction for her or his attention through all channels at our disposal. When we finally become the heap of misery dissolved in tears whose will has been successfully broken, the narcissist has achieved one of his diabolical goals.
7. Dead line, blank screen: Anything goes.
What makes silence so brutal and efficient is the infinity of options we can read into and interpret from it. Narcissists love to make us doubt our own sanity. They twist our words and make us trust neither our memory nor our own judgment. Those who remain silent are always right, because there are no facts to which anyone can later refer.
Silence is not an explicit insult, an assault, a humiliation, or a verbal low blow. In some contexts, silent perseverance is considered approval; in still other contexts it can be understood as disinterest and neutrality towards the situation. The provocateur of this awkward situation, the narcissist, thus keeps all possibilities open and can subsequently draw from the full range.
The situation thus created is like a box of gifts, the value of which only a truly narcissistic brain can appreciate.
Today’s Conclusion:
It's clear who's in charge. Basically, silence serves to clarify who has supremacy within a relationship. The phrase "being in charge" is no accident. If someone wants to make us compliant again and again with this lousy tactic, we should seek distance as soon as possible.
Communication is at the heart of every healthy relationship. Deliberate, demonstrative silence, on the other hand, is the core of a thoroughly toxic relationship from which there is no escape at some point. If you want to feel secure your relationship has a future, you need to get answers to all your questions. Not getting an answer, on the other hand, is a clear sign in its own right.