How Childhood Emotional Abuse Affects Us in Adulthood
It is no wonder that we always think of our childhood first when seek the answers to unpleasant questions about our personality and life. It is like the foundation of our life; everything else stands and falls with it. In the first years of life, the foundations are laid for how we perceive ourselves as persons, but also our environment. We learn what relationships are and how families function or not. Since we lack the means of comparison - each child sees life only from his or her own perspective - these experiences leave a lasting impression on us. We see them as the only truth and this for a very long time. For this reason, much psychological research continues to focus on understanding the impact of early childhood experiences on later life. Of particular grievous importance is not only physical and sexual abuse, but emotional abuse as well. In this article, we'll show you how this kind of toxic relationship affects us in adulthood.
1. Attachments will always be insecure and anxious
The attachment theory developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth assumes that as adults we can attach to other people in 2 ways. A distinction is made between secure attachment and insecure attachment. The poor role model effect of childhood leads to the fact that other people are primarily perceived as a risk and insecurity factor. For these people, every bond is a step on thin ice that is only ventured under the greatest caution and with a great deal of skepticism. Opening up to partners or other people is difficult. They prefer to keep their distance and maintain their emotional safety distance from others. If you have never been allowed to get to know how people ideally interact and offer each other help and support, you will never have a clear idea of what is possible. Even after years of being together, insecurity will still have an iron grip on them. Even starting a family of one's own with the firm intention of doing better will not turn out to be a no-brainer, nor will it be sparing with disappointments.
2. Emotional abuse inhibits emotional development
Being emotionally abused as a child cripples our emotional development. Instinctively, we probably know that what is going on in our young lives is wrong, but cannot be sure. Narcissistic parents or the unfortunately widespread power play of carrot and stick lead to the fact that we can hardly develop any feelings except insecurity and fear. We need security because to develop authentic and honest feelings. If we do not feel this security, we prefer to keep it under wraps and suppress it as long as possible. Emotions mean risk for abused children and this internalized mechanism haunts them throughout their lives. Joy is only a fleeting acquaintance for them. Quickly, the lightheartedness can be over or perhaps even punished. Fear, anger, shame and sadness, on the other hand, are good old friends who are at least likely to be managed to some extent.
3. We adopt self-destructive patterns
When someone has had to grow up in a home that did not provide a sense of safety and security, the consequence is almost always the development of certain coping mechanisms and compensatory strategies. Many unloved children find ways and means to somehow fill the emptiness inside them. Eating plays as big a role in this as self-harm and the tendency to criminal acts and addictions. Feelings are strong opponents when they are neither allowed to develop nor to be expressed. Over the years, an outlet for them must inevitably be found.
4. It affects quality of life
Emotional abuse in childhood sadly leads directly to a difficult adult life in the vast majority of cases. The options are limited. Mentors or other people who eventually encourage these children and show them the wealth of options they would have in spite of everything are usually, unfortunately, thin on the ground. Many humiliated or abused children remain just that throughout their lives, never daring to look beyond the surface. Those who have always been kept down and treated as second-class human beings cannot develop a healthy self-image on their own. At some point, these people believe what they have been successfully told from an early age. Emotional abuse casts long shadows. Its victims are of the lifelong opinion that they do not deserve anything good or beautiful, and this is exactly the life they are then, unfortunately, destined to lead.
5. There is a higher risk of mental health problems
Depression and anxiety are not uncommon when emotional abuse has dominated childhood. Some sufferers develop outright post-traumatic stress disorder and can hardly lead a normal life. The tendency to addictive disorders and self-destructive behavior is compounded. It is therefore not surprising that victims of childhood abuse think significantly more often about suicide and tend to follow this desire with actions. As with any trauma, development is difficult to predict. There are people who seem to effortlessly leave a bad and deprived childhood behind and eventually reinvent themselves as adults. In fact, however, their lives will never be easy, even though it may look that way to outsiders. Not everyone has the strength or eventually meets people who can give it to them. Generalizing would be the wrong way to go, of course. Some former victims go on to lead good lives. Most, however, suffer for life in some way from the late effects of their traumatic childhood.
Today's Conclusion: Our childhood, gone forever and yet omnipresent
Unfortunately, there is no second chance to catch up on one's childhood. Once it is over, it never comes back, but still accompanies us throughout our lives. Happy is the one who was allowed to experience love and recognition. This experience lasts until the end of our days and allows us to become self-confident adults. It is different for victims of violence and abuse. They cannot get rid of their demons for the rest of their lives. What they desperately need is professional help and all the support they can get. Those who are able should definitely talk about their experiences. A sorrow shared is not only a sorrow halved. Your story also comforts people who are not yet able to walk this path. You convey to them, at least belatedly but nonetheless, that their inner child does not have to remain alone. That's it for today.