Terrible, Miserable! Signs That You Grew Up in a Narcissistic Home!
Growing up on thin ice. Childhood in itself is not an easy thing. Like all of life, we understand it, if at all, only in retrospect and with sufficient emotional distance. Even if someone feels their own parents always had only their best interests in mind, parent-child relationships throughout life are mainly one thing, and that is: difficult.
Our childhood reaches into the present particularly stubbornly if our parents were not only overtaxed or unable to demonstrate love, but showed real psychological abnormalities or still do. Not at all uncommon are narcissistic personalities who see their children more like a means to an end or a useful tool, never letting them just be children.
If several of the following ten points we present in this article apply to your childhood, you can consider yourself the child of narcissistic parents.
1. Your parents abuse you for their ego.
Many people in the older generation had to learn early on that life can be all about abandonment: Their desired education, profession and subsequently a life of prosperity were denied to them. This lack often morphs into pressure on their own children, high demands on school achievements and a very specific predetermined career path that are actually all about the parents finding delayed happiness at the expense of their own children.
Those who do not support their offspring’s actual talents and inclinations, but rather have their own goals in mind, are not loving parents. They’re bound to their own childhood at any cost, reliving it and trying to bring it to a more satisfying conclusion.
2. Their affection for you is conditional.
Narcissists are true world champions in emotional blackmail. They never miss an opportunity to drive their fellow human beings mad with the carrot and stick method; only those who conform to their predetermined ideas are rewarded with praise and some kind of affection.
Those who resist are threatened with withdrawal of love or worse. By contrast, genuine parental love and care is unconditional. However, if as a child you had to function to their standards in order not to be ignored or punished, you’re dealing with parents with narcissistic tendencies.
3. They feel superior to other people.
It's embarrassing enough for kids to have parents who don't want to fit in and always want to stand out from the crowd. But it gets even worse when no one is good enough and everything and everyone is beneath the dignity of one or both parents. Other children aren’t good enough playmates, other parents aren’t good role models, the teachers and the school can’t meet their demands, and so on and so forth.
For a child it becomes almost impossible to maintain friendships and above all to approach other people without reservations. They’re constantly negatively indoctrinated by their parents, leading to an adulthood that bottoms out into a dead end of suspicion, distrust and finally loneliness.
4. They are unwilling to recognize and respect the needs or feelings of others.
Those who endured Nazi parents as children will not be able to easily engage in relationships. After all, the most important lesson from such a childhood is: It's always about others, it's never about you. Thus, neither compromising in a healthy way nor drawing boundaries can be learned.
Parents who see themselves as the center of the world and instrumentalize their children as they please leave their offspring no room for personal development or living out their own desires. Concessions are a rarity and are only granted if, in turn, a condition can be attached.
5. You are constantly compared to your siblings or friends.
If there is one thing narcissists are good at, it’s pitting people against each other. As parents, they actively encourage sibling rivalry. Only children find themselves constantly competing with their peers and are always measured against the performance of others.
Tragically, no matter how hard you try, it will never be enough to win the competition for affection. Narcissists pursue an agenda that is incomprehensible to people without this personality trait. They have won when they have imposed their will and gained control over people and situations. There seems to be no other satisfaction for them than control.
6. They lose their temper when things don't turn out the way they want.
If you want to upset a narcissist, two letters will do. “N-O.” If you want to incur the unconditional wrath of these people, get ready for a fight. They never forget and forgiveness is not in their vocabulary. So if, as a child, you sometimes were the subject of disproportionate wrath from your parents for little mishaps, you may be the child of narcissists. As mentioned earlier, to them control is everything.
7. Fear, guilt, and emotional blackmail are their tools
Narcissists like to manipulate, using the entire range of interpersonal emotions. They simulate illnesses and ailments, feign helplessness and despair, and do not shy away from open threats.
8. Your parents don't respect your boundaries
If as a child you frequently witnessed your parents deliberately embarrassing you in front of your friends, your boundaries were clearly not respected. Narcissists naturally get a kick out of demonstrating their power over people and situations, but most of the time their children aren't even worth a second thought. They simply act as they please, without regard.
9. You are always kept down
Of course, children of narcissists may and should be successful, but please not more successful than their parents. Those who dare to outshine their light will soon face retaliation. Parents should be proud of their children and their successes. Narcissists, on the other hand, cannot handle anyone being in the spotlight other than themselves.
10. Co-dependency between you
Probably the biggest problem with narcissistic parents, is that you can't escape them easily: due to the constant manipulation and countless games that this type of person puts people through, a dependency relationship develops at some point, whether you like it or not. Narcissists are gifted puppeteers and have absolutely no inhibitions about using this talent on their children throughout their lives.
Today’s Conclusion
A childhood marked by narcissistic parents weighs oppressively on all who have suffered through it. As with any kind of brainwashing, it is extremely difficult to realize that life need not be so complicated and demanding. It’s even harder for most children to completely let go of their parents, so as not to break down because of them and their dark psycho tricks. You’re on the right track already if you don’t always blame yourself for your difficult relationship with your parents. After all, as in any relationship, there are always at least two sides to the story. That's it for today.