Emotionally Intelligent People Avoid THESE Pitfalls! (And You Should, Too)

Want to know if you’re an emotionally intelligent person? In this article we present eight things that emotionally intelligent people avoid, so you can judge for yourself if you belong to those people with emotional intelligence. Let's first clarify the question of what emotional intelligence actually is. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand one's own emotions, express them in a healthy way, and deal with them constructively. Most emotionally intelligent people have a high degree of empathy and compassion for others. At the same time, they recognize that their own self-reliance and well-being must come first. So what are the things that emotionally intelligent people avoid?

1. Suppressing one’s own emotions.

We live in a society that all too often wants to force you to suppress your emotions. At work, you can't always express yourself the way you want to, and many social conventions also prohibit you from free emotional expression. Many people then basically suppress their emotions – they swallow everything and build up enormous psychological pressure inside. This then manifests itself as emotional stress, depression or severe personality disorders. Emotionally intelligent people consistently avoid suppressing their emotions. They pull themselves together where they have to, but later, when they have the necessary personal space, they confront their emotions. They likewise avoid being permanently in environments or working in places where their emotional expression is severely disrupted.

2. Devaluing the emotions of others.

People who suppress their emotions tend to block the emotional expression of others as well. You've probably experienced that emotions like laughing or crying can be contagious. Men, for example, who do not allow themselves to cry because of social pressure, cannot bear to have tears flowing around them. They may then harshly devalue and curb the emotional expression of others. They are afraid to be confronted with their own suppressed emotions. Emotionally intelligent people are in tune with their emotions and it doesn't matter if they are male or female. They permit themselves emotions without feeling ashamed and do not hold others back in emotional expression.

3. Overthinking and brooding.

It is normal and good to reflect on emotionally challenging situations. This is a creative process in which people can get to know themselves and their life strategies better. Optimally, new behaviors are then learned or old ones are confirmed. This is like constantly learning and adapting to a changing world. Emotionally intelligent people can optimally go through these processes and then complete them successfully. Other people linger in reflection and sink into mourning over events long past. Their thinking is dominated by "What if...?" scenarios, blame, and negativity. By contrast, research showed that empathic and socially highly intelligent people activate completely different brain areas. They prefer to process sensory impressions and information with the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for discriminative thinking and creative solution strategies. Brooding and doubtful people prefer to use the fear and stress center in the limbic system of the brain.

4. Not setting boundaries.

It's not particularly intelligent to always say "yes" to everything. Yes-men don't know their own limits or are afraid to express them. They live in a mindset that suggests they must always give in order to get back or be loved. But this is a fallacy that is impossible to live up to. As an emotionally intelligent person, you take a different approach. You may not know your limits 100 percent at first, but you learn from situations and do things differently next time. You can say "no" when something is really too much for you, and you don't constantly give your energy to goals or people who don't appreciate and support you.

5. Submitting to peer pressure.

You've probably experienced this, too: Groups try to impose or forbid certain behaviors on fellow humans. If you want to belong, you do this or that; this is how manipulative structures work that do not actually want to promote their group members, but exploit them and keep them down. Young people in particular are at risk here because their ability to use the creative cortex in the brain independently is not yet fully developed. Emotionally intelligent people usually recognize at this early stage of maturity that groups offer more disadvantages than advantages. They instinctively stay away from constraints and manipulative groups and confidently go their own way. This need not always be comfortable; in the long run, such a path will pay off in spiritual freedom and a self-determined way of life.

6. Not allowing change.

Some people get lost in the belief that consistent life circumstances offer security. Their need for control is so great that they want to prevent any kind of change in their lives. Often such people even want to force those around them to be as rigid and immobile as they themselves have become. As an emotionally intelligent person, you welcome change and progress at any time. You can leave your comfort zone and take risks. In crises, you always see not only the threat but also the opportunity for a fresh start and welcome change.

7. Seeking external validation.

People who have experienced trauma, anxiety, and abuse form a dysfunctional self-esteem. Later, this can develop into addictions or serious mental disorders. It is typical that these people cannot validate themselves, they need constant attention and feedback from the outside. If they do not get this, they tend to behave aggressively in order to at least attract negative interest from others. As an emotionally intelligent person, you recognize your value and know what really counts in life. You find confirmation in your own actions. What others think might be important to you, but you don't build your whole life on pleasing others.

8. Not accepting constructive criticism.

There are basically two types of criticism. One is from haters and envious people who will try to devalue you. The other comes from friends and people who really have something to give you. Degrading criticism can also affect emotionally strong people. Most of the time it comes from the kind of people who do not have any special emotional intelligence. You can recognize such negative criticism immediately by the fact that it only wants to question or even destroy you and your work or your expression. The criticism is not accompanied by any hints or tips on how you could do it better or correctly. As an emotionally intelligent person, you instinctively know the difference. You can forgive haters and envious people and not dwell on them for long. If creative criticism comes into your life, you are happy to receive the advice and quickly implement it. Constructive criticism never triggers negative emotions or defensive behavior in you. 

Our conclusion today

Have you been able to learn anything for yourself from these tips? How many of these points are you already adhering to? Admittedly, the world doesn't always make it easy for emotionally intelligent people, but even if you occasionally encounter headwinds, you should remain consistent in being an empathetic and constructive person. Sooner or later, you'll celebrate great success with this approach to life and become a happy person.